DON'T
FEEL
GOOD.

ARGH!

I HATE MYSELF

Labels: hrtbrk

me?

I haven't been feeling super well in spirits lately.
All thanks to my cracking down in a cab one early noon thanks to that mfing cab driver.

Yes, it was that long ago, but somehow you know sometimes you're just damn angry and cannot do anything then you just tear?

That was how f-ed up I felt in the cab.

I wanted to write a super long letter, but every time I get to the keyboard my inspirations go up into a wisp of smoke.

I could only watch miserably as I try to grasp the fleeting last few sentences that I want to write before just totally giving up and go do something else.

If only technology was advanced enough to create some sort of thought projector, maybe that will save me more time and propel me faster into the movie making industry.


There was definitely a struggle to find back the writer in me, and it still hangs in limbo.

Today, was rather interesting, I have one Indian OM who chats with me all the time. He wanted to build some storage space under the stair case so he took me to see where the grilles were supposed to be installed.

Freaked out when I saw a pair of legs not moving under the stairs, turns out a bunch of boys were hiding from the OM behind me coz the area is out of bounds to students.

The boy cheekily placed a finger on his lips while I arched an eyebrow and went the other way.

They made their grand escape whilst the OM was scolding another few boys.
Not a very clean escape though, halfway running across the field the OM turned around and spotted them running, OM could only yell after them.

Later while making my rounds at other blocks in the school they came to find me and thank me for not "ratting" them out. Twas pleasantly surprised.

Very amused in fact. Reminded me of our stupid antics in secondary school ourselves.

What was more amusing was that my OM was bantering on about where am I going to go on holiday next with my bf? And I was like, " I no more bf already."

Then he went, " HUH!? That time go TW go with him what happen?"

"He go in uni say no time for me already."

The OM went, " Bloody bastard!"

I burst out laughing. AGAIN, wished I had the thought projector to rewind that few seconds. You'd laugh too.

Oliner came to eat lunch with me at Tiong Bahru Plaza on Wed.
I have now started a, " HELP OLINER QUIT YO" project.

HOQY!~

Everyday try to msg her once a reason to quit smoking.

Everybody feel free to msg her too. Tell her its for her future BB or that if she doesn't quit soon she'll grow old soon. GOGOGOGOGO
Last friday, went out to have dinner with Poly friends at Orchard Hotel's Tony Romas.

Before heading there went to meet up with one of them first.

Standing infront of the mirrored lobby of Plaza Singapura, he told me ," Very compatible hor?"

I twisted my head to look around for couples but then he said, " we 2 la!"

I was like -.- and started pointing out the differences and he also started laughing.

That was Weeky, my FYP mate, the sweet dude who bought me roses for Grad day and was nice enough to carry my bag for me that day because I was complaining my feet hurt.

Even offered me his shoes.

Now why can't I fall for a guy like that -.-
Well, for Weeky and I truth to be told, we are srsly like cousin status. Friends that are meant to remain friends for the rest of their lives meeting up every now and then go dancing and drink beer, and when we're old, still indulge in salacious and seamy gossip.

Felt very conscious at the dinner table, I was the only one who ate 6 ribs, I noticed everyone else had lesser than mine , stopped soon after.

See the difference when I'm with you and when I'm with them?

So if you see me pigging out in front of you even though you poke fun at my weight, take comfort in the fact that I'm myself with you.

Went to eat Rochor beancurd after with Uni friends. Yea, I am making friends, today we went to braddell heights CC to sing KTV too ;)

Found out something in common today, they've got a bit of the chinese-ness in them too.
They are not ram rod speak english people only. Hahaha.

Went to celebrate Cattie's birthday last Saturday.
Lovely time with the girls, felt so nostalgic.

We ate this Japanese restaurant where I had sukiyaki and I heckled them all to the basement to buy the crepes Linjie introduced.

We then had a sur of the moment thing to go sit the reverse bungee at clark quay.

The reverse bungee, was AWESOME. The view from the top and when you are in mid suspension is breath taking.

The Swing, oh I got owned by that one.
That one is highly recommended for people who feel like dying.

You can't hold on to anything unless you are at the edge of the seats and you have to push the lever yourself to let go of the swing.

The first attempt failed. I pushed the lever like crazy til I strained my arm. Felt very breathless when they had to bring us down to fix the lever.

None the less went on it again after they fixed it.

The rush was fast, and I should have known I'd wanted to puke -.-

If there was one theme park machine I cannot handle it would be the viking ship.

The swing is something like that and immediately after I felt like puking.

I said my goodbyes to the girls and then went in search of a toilet.

Puked.

Roy drove us out of clark quay, half way I thought he was going on the highway, requested to stop at the bus stop first,

Puked.


Then reached fei fei, went toilet,

puked again.

TF was like asking wendy whether I was drinking -.-

Really. Terribly. Amusing.

I wonder whether that feeling was equivalent to drinking too much alcohol?

Puked my jap dinner and crepe out T_T

The boys and Di took very good care of the puking zr.

Puking zr promised them all TCC coffee.

Puking zr also wanted to hug the girls goodnight when leaving but was on the verge of puking, think they'd scream.

Puking zr wants to thank the girls, and the boys for their companionship these few days as well.
Again, the words that I have carefully formulated to describe my heartfelt rawness and "awwww- ness" at them is going up in smoke.

My friends around me have been very nice. Thank you babies, you know who you guys and gals are ;)

Sunday, yesterday, I felt quite accomplished.

Twice I directed 2 different aunts on that day in the car on the road to destinations I was not familiar with jsut by reading off road signages.

We did get a little lost la, but all in all what matters was that WE GOT HOME. -.-

That brother la, get license in the end also going to another place he get us lost.

Spent 2 hrs on the road trying to get there and then back for just ONE trip.

C'est la vie.

Til the next time my mood strikes up again ;)

xoxo,

S.W.A.K.

tsar

Labels: 21st, family, hrtbrk, mjr, NP, uni, Usuals, work

Maybe I am not that Ok afterall.
Shit.

Labels: hrtbrk, numb

My life now seems to be around guys.

Girls around me tend to be very busy with their lives.
Its a constant thing since after O levels.

Well, yesterday I requested for Hou Soon to accompany me to print my info poster, in which he said he was SUMMONED instead.

It was VERY nice of him to do so and MFER he denying A LOT OF THINGS, I must meet up with Cat , Angel and Iris to ask stuff.

Hou soon was also asking me why I never ask iris and angel out, was it because he was a spare tire?

I told him I bet with him iris and angel will not be able to make it one today.
As it was a last minute spur of the moment thing.

And you know what the dodo bird did?!

He went to tell loads and LOADS of lies to the 2 of them JUST to get the bet money -.-

No wonder in class suddenly Angel and Iris msg me, " YOU OK NOT?!"

And I was like , o.O

Turn out he told them I was suicidal/smoking/drinking/ blah blah blah -.-

TMD! PLAY CHEAT LOR! LOL

Today, I ate lunch with Wan Leng at Tiong Bahru Plaza, she had lessons first so I went to camp out my MAC lab to use the Macs to do work.

It was REALLY crowded today, and we had quite a bit of fun with the photo booth function, watching youtube videos and such.

After lesson, I ran home.
Ate a lonely dinner and seriously just slacked away the night.
Jerry came to pick me up at 10pm as he wanted company on the car ride to CCK to pass his friend something.

We drove ALL the way to TUAS, because we got LOST AGAIN!

However that omala went,

" See happy anot! I take you to the end of the world leh!"

I LITERALLY burst out laughing, then started firing back that it was him who got lost ok! Make it sound so nice!

It seems so corny yet so sweet at the same time please! LOL Thinking about it now makes me laugh even more.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA.

After we FINALLY managed to find the place, we went to pick EH up at Central, then off we went to eat supper at ECP and then off home.

Omala said that he was VERY thankful that in the middle of the night, I do not call him shouldI get weepy as he says he would KILL me, he sacrifices his sleep for NO ONE but his other good friend.

EH says that when he's in camp , he won't entertain but when outside maybe he will.

Like I'd call like that. I guess I have no habit of wailing to people, maybe Jerry in the day time but at night time.. no one except for that ex-bf ;\

TF has been filling in the gaps on MSN at times.
It was nice to see him be the SLIGHTEST bit concerned.
And slightly amusing the ways he has been trying to introduce me to , to get a new bf.

HOWEVER HE FORGOT ONE THING! NOT GONNA FORGIVE HIM FOR THAT HMPH!

GIRLS AH, where art thou girls?!?!?!?!!

Labels: ellas, hrtbrk, mjr

Today, woke up early.

Went to office, took a cab to school, got VERY pissed off at the bloody driver.
Got down his cab and took a comfort cab instead.

Lessons ended and I went to work again, then went to meet Lydia, bought a pair of so called cheapo running shoes from Fila. I hope they actually ARE running shoes ;\

The nike stupid thingy for the human race thing is a bloody 99 bucks JUST for the tracker alone, you still have to purchase a pair of shoes with the chip embedded in it, I was like WUT! NO FKING WAY.

Lyd accompanied me to finally eat that ichiban sushi $5 wafu pasta. I have been eyeing that place since a long time ago for the 5 bucks pasta. Just that no one to go with and always no time.

She went off soon after and I tottered over to my aunts' place.

One of my aunts sat beside me at the dining table while I was reading and asked me whether ZX has contacted me and I said no, then she asked whether did I contact him yet, told her no, she immediately pounced and said, "GOOD! DON'T CONTACT HIM! Don't cheapen yourself"

I was like , -.-

"You got to give him time, even if now there is someone prettier and smarter than you beside him now and he chooses her, then he is not worth it as well! You don't want to be with this type of person do you!"

I agree. Whole-heartedly. It is just the process I am going through now is not very easy.

If I were to describe it I would describe it in a way that I am an amnesiac currently having flash backs of the past.

And its happening randomly , fast and furiously.
Every time I listen to a song, every time I look at something, every time I read something, a flash back occurs.

And it is not a very great feeling, sure , people all say the, " Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened!" Shit but since long ago I don't believe in that shitty invalid sentence.

Who won't be upset that something that can make you smile, is actually over?
Won't remembering the happy thoughts just plunge you deeper into the sad end once you get back to reality that again, it's over?

So yea.


Anyhow, I went to check on my pot of geraniums that I bought about 2 weeks back, they were wilting BADLY.

My aunts were like laughing. -.- As they all thought the other was watering but in fact no one was!!!!

Spoilt their table by accidentally banging into it.
Instead of going, " OH ZR! ARE YOU OK?"

All 3 went , " YOU DIE ALREADY! MAKE SPOIL THE TABLE!"

D;

After that went for a little eat with me dad and brother.

I saw another cousin that bro and I have not been in contact with like FOREVER.

Exchanged number with her and I am meeting her tmr for lunch.

Kinda nervous with a poster project of mine, luckily Cattie on back up. If that designer screws things up for me, I am officially CUTTING off all my ends with him.

Recently watched 2 shows:



Waitress - A goegeous movie what with the pies and not.
The pies look so delicious. I just feel like baking one myself.

It is about this waitress that is trapped in a dead end abusive marriage and a small town where all she wants to do is just break away and pursue her dreams.



Sex drive

REALLY funny show, I like it. About this virgin 18 yr old dude going half way across the country to shag someone he met on the internet. Hilarious.

Love the donut suit, one of my favourite things in the movie.
His cruddy elder brother as well! FUNNY!

Aye. I shall go toss and turn in me bed now.

P.S: The locked post is visible to ANYONE, I just locked it coz I want to play safe.

Labels: family, hrtbrk

" You can't know oh no, you can't know how much I think about you."

Labels: hrtbrk

Gone.

Best viewed with Chrome/Firefox.

DON'T
FEEL
GOOD.

ARGH!

I HATE MYSELF

Labels: hrtbrk

me?

I haven't been feeling super well in spirits lately.
All thanks to my cracking down in a cab one early noon thanks to that mfing cab driver.

Yes, it was that long ago, but somehow you know sometimes you're just damn angry and cannot do anything then you just tear?

That was how f-ed up I felt in the cab.

I wanted to write a super long letter, but every time I get to the keyboard my inspirations go up into a wisp of smoke.

I could only watch miserably as I try to grasp the fleeting last few sentences that I want to write before just totally giving up and go do something else.

If only technology was advanced enough to create some sort of thought projector, maybe that will save me more time and propel me faster into the movie making industry.


There was definitely a struggle to find back the writer in me, and it still hangs in limbo.

Today, was rather interesting, I have one Indian OM who chats with me all the time. He wanted to build some storage space under the stair case so he took me to see where the grilles were supposed to be installed.

Freaked out when I saw a pair of legs not moving under the stairs, turns out a bunch of boys were hiding from the OM behind me coz the area is out of bounds to students.

The boy cheekily placed a finger on his lips while I arched an eyebrow and went the other way.

They made their grand escape whilst the OM was scolding another few boys.
Not a very clean escape though, halfway running across the field the OM turned around and spotted them running, OM could only yell after them.

Later while making my rounds at other blocks in the school they came to find me and thank me for not "ratting" them out. Twas pleasantly surprised.

Very amused in fact. Reminded me of our stupid antics in secondary school ourselves.

What was more amusing was that my OM was bantering on about where am I going to go on holiday next with my bf? And I was like, " I no more bf already."

Then he went, " HUH!? That time go TW go with him what happen?"

"He go in uni say no time for me already."

The OM went, " Bloody bastard!"

I burst out laughing. AGAIN, wished I had the thought projector to rewind that few seconds. You'd laugh too.

Oliner came to eat lunch with me at Tiong Bahru Plaza on Wed.
I have now started a, " HELP OLINER QUIT YO" project.

HOQY!~

Everyday try to msg her once a reason to quit smoking.

Everybody feel free to msg her too. Tell her its for her future BB or that if she doesn't quit soon she'll grow old soon. GOGOGOGOGO
Last friday, went out to have dinner with Poly friends at Orchard Hotel's Tony Romas.

Before heading there went to meet up with one of them first.

Standing infront of the mirrored lobby of Plaza Singapura, he told me ," Very compatible hor?"

I twisted my head to look around for couples but then he said, " we 2 la!"

I was like -.- and started pointing out the differences and he also started laughing.

That was Weeky, my FYP mate, the sweet dude who bought me roses for Grad day and was nice enough to carry my bag for me that day because I was complaining my feet hurt.

Even offered me his shoes.

Now why can't I fall for a guy like that -.-
Well, for Weeky and I truth to be told, we are srsly like cousin status. Friends that are meant to remain friends for the rest of their lives meeting up every now and then go dancing and drink beer, and when we're old, still indulge in salacious and seamy gossip.

Felt very conscious at the dinner table, I was the only one who ate 6 ribs, I noticed everyone else had lesser than mine , stopped soon after.

See the difference when I'm with you and when I'm with them?

So if you see me pigging out in front of you even though you poke fun at my weight, take comfort in the fact that I'm myself with you.

Went to eat Rochor beancurd after with Uni friends. Yea, I am making friends, today we went to braddell heights CC to sing KTV too ;)

Found out something in common today, they've got a bit of the chinese-ness in them too.
They are not ram rod speak english people only. Hahaha.

Went to celebrate Cattie's birthday last Saturday.
Lovely time with the girls, felt so nostalgic.

We ate this Japanese restaurant where I had sukiyaki and I heckled them all to the basement to buy the crepes Linjie introduced.

We then had a sur of the moment thing to go sit the reverse bungee at clark quay.

The reverse bungee, was AWESOME. The view from the top and when you are in mid suspension is breath taking.

The Swing, oh I got owned by that one.
That one is highly recommended for people who feel like dying.

You can't hold on to anything unless you are at the edge of the seats and you have to push the lever yourself to let go of the swing.

The first attempt failed. I pushed the lever like crazy til I strained my arm. Felt very breathless when they had to bring us down to fix the lever.

None the less went on it again after they fixed it.

The rush was fast, and I should have known I'd wanted to puke -.-

If there was one theme park machine I cannot handle it would be the viking ship.

The swing is something like that and immediately after I felt like puking.

I said my goodbyes to the girls and then went in search of a toilet.

Puked.

Roy drove us out of clark quay, half way I thought he was going on the highway, requested to stop at the bus stop first,

Puked.


Then reached fei fei, went toilet,

puked again.

TF was like asking wendy whether I was drinking -.-

Really. Terribly. Amusing.

I wonder whether that feeling was equivalent to drinking too much alcohol?

Puked my jap dinner and crepe out T_T

The boys and Di took very good care of the puking zr.

Puking zr promised them all TCC coffee.

Puking zr also wanted to hug the girls goodnight when leaving but was on the verge of puking, think they'd scream.

Puking zr wants to thank the girls, and the boys for their companionship these few days as well.
Again, the words that I have carefully formulated to describe my heartfelt rawness and "awwww- ness" at them is going up in smoke.

My friends around me have been very nice. Thank you babies, you know who you guys and gals are ;)

Sunday, yesterday, I felt quite accomplished.

Twice I directed 2 different aunts on that day in the car on the road to destinations I was not familiar with jsut by reading off road signages.

We did get a little lost la, but all in all what matters was that WE GOT HOME. -.-

That brother la, get license in the end also going to another place he get us lost.

Spent 2 hrs on the road trying to get there and then back for just ONE trip.

C'est la vie.

Til the next time my mood strikes up again ;)

xoxo,

S.W.A.K.

tsar

Labels: 21st, family, hrtbrk, mjr, NP, uni, Usuals, work

Maybe I am not that Ok afterall.
Shit.

Labels: hrtbrk, numb

My life now seems to be around guys.

Girls around me tend to be very busy with their lives.
Its a constant thing since after O levels.

Well, yesterday I requested for Hou Soon to accompany me to print my info poster, in which he said he was SUMMONED instead.

It was VERY nice of him to do so and MFER he denying A LOT OF THINGS, I must meet up with Cat , Angel and Iris to ask stuff.

Hou soon was also asking me why I never ask iris and angel out, was it because he was a spare tire?

I told him I bet with him iris and angel will not be able to make it one today.
As it was a last minute spur of the moment thing.

And you know what the dodo bird did?!

He went to tell loads and LOADS of lies to the 2 of them JUST to get the bet money -.-

No wonder in class suddenly Angel and Iris msg me, " YOU OK NOT?!"

And I was like , o.O

Turn out he told them I was suicidal/smoking/drinking/ blah blah blah -.-

TMD! PLAY CHEAT LOR! LOL

Today, I ate lunch with Wan Leng at Tiong Bahru Plaza, she had lessons first so I went to camp out my MAC lab to use the Macs to do work.

It was REALLY crowded today, and we had quite a bit of fun with the photo booth function, watching youtube videos and such.

After lesson, I ran home.
Ate a lonely dinner and seriously just slacked away the night.
Jerry came to pick me up at 10pm as he wanted company on the car ride to CCK to pass his friend something.

We drove ALL the way to TUAS, because we got LOST AGAIN!

However that omala went,

" See happy anot! I take you to the end of the world leh!"

I LITERALLY burst out laughing, then started firing back that it was him who got lost ok! Make it sound so nice!

It seems so corny yet so sweet at the same time please! LOL Thinking about it now makes me laugh even more.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA.

After we FINALLY managed to find the place, we went to pick EH up at Central, then off we went to eat supper at ECP and then off home.

Omala said that he was VERY thankful that in the middle of the night, I do not call him shouldI get weepy as he says he would KILL me, he sacrifices his sleep for NO ONE but his other good friend.

EH says that when he's in camp , he won't entertain but when outside maybe he will.

Like I'd call like that. I guess I have no habit of wailing to people, maybe Jerry in the day time but at night time.. no one except for that ex-bf ;\

TF has been filling in the gaps on MSN at times.
It was nice to see him be the SLIGHTEST bit concerned.
And slightly amusing the ways he has been trying to introduce me to , to get a new bf.

HOWEVER HE FORGOT ONE THING! NOT GONNA FORGIVE HIM FOR THAT HMPH!

GIRLS AH, where art thou girls?!?!?!?!!

Labels: ellas, hrtbrk, mjr

Today, woke up early.

Went to office, took a cab to school, got VERY pissed off at the bloody driver.
Got down his cab and took a comfort cab instead.

Lessons ended and I went to work again, then went to meet Lydia, bought a pair of so called cheapo running shoes from Fila. I hope they actually ARE running shoes ;\

The nike stupid thingy for the human race thing is a bloody 99 bucks JUST for the tracker alone, you still have to purchase a pair of shoes with the chip embedded in it, I was like WUT! NO FKING WAY.

Lyd accompanied me to finally eat that ichiban sushi $5 wafu pasta. I have been eyeing that place since a long time ago for the 5 bucks pasta. Just that no one to go with and always no time.

She went off soon after and I tottered over to my aunts' place.

One of my aunts sat beside me at the dining table while I was reading and asked me whether ZX has contacted me and I said no, then she asked whether did I contact him yet, told her no, she immediately pounced and said, "GOOD! DON'T CONTACT HIM! Don't cheapen yourself"

I was like , -.-

"You got to give him time, even if now there is someone prettier and smarter than you beside him now and he chooses her, then he is not worth it as well! You don't want to be with this type of person do you!"

I agree. Whole-heartedly. It is just the process I am going through now is not very easy.

If I were to describe it I would describe it in a way that I am an amnesiac currently having flash backs of the past.

And its happening randomly , fast and furiously.
Every time I listen to a song, every time I look at something, every time I read something, a flash back occurs.

And it is not a very great feeling, sure , people all say the, " Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened!" Shit but since long ago I don't believe in that shitty invalid sentence.

Who won't be upset that something that can make you smile, is actually over?
Won't remembering the happy thoughts just plunge you deeper into the sad end once you get back to reality that again, it's over?

So yea.


Anyhow, I went to check on my pot of geraniums that I bought about 2 weeks back, they were wilting BADLY.

My aunts were like laughing. -.- As they all thought the other was watering but in fact no one was!!!!

Spoilt their table by accidentally banging into it.
Instead of going, " OH ZR! ARE YOU OK?"

All 3 went , " YOU DIE ALREADY! MAKE SPOIL THE TABLE!"

D;

After that went for a little eat with me dad and brother.

I saw another cousin that bro and I have not been in contact with like FOREVER.

Exchanged number with her and I am meeting her tmr for lunch.

Kinda nervous with a poster project of mine, luckily Cattie on back up. If that designer screws things up for me, I am officially CUTTING off all my ends with him.

Recently watched 2 shows:



Waitress - A goegeous movie what with the pies and not.
The pies look so delicious. I just feel like baking one myself.

It is about this waitress that is trapped in a dead end abusive marriage and a small town where all she wants to do is just break away and pursue her dreams.



Sex drive

REALLY funny show, I like it. About this virgin 18 yr old dude going half way across the country to shag someone he met on the internet. Hilarious.

Love the donut suit, one of my favourite things in the movie.
His cruddy elder brother as well! FUNNY!

Aye. I shall go toss and turn in me bed now.

P.S: The locked post is visible to ANYONE, I just locked it coz I want to play safe.

Labels: family, hrtbrk

" You can't know oh no, you can't know how much I think about you."

Labels: hrtbrk

WISH LIST 2010

Layout: Nicole
Inspiration: InDreamsMaybe
Icons: Chasethedrug; CollapsingNight
Color Codes: Html Color Codes




doteonme
Happy 7th anniversary
at a loss for words
I started out
Dislike
Reblog
Control
OH!
FREAKING UPSET
Let me tell you a story