Saturday, May 15, 2010 @ 3:08 PM
at a loss for words
I spent a good few minutes with my hands hovering above the keyboard trying to think of an apt title for this.So I just settled with what was really happening, that I am at a loss for words to truly culminate everything that has been running through my head.
Its over.
The entire debacle between Joel and I is over.
Found out he had a lot of issues with me that he kept mum about or I just didn't clue in and that he knew he didn't have feelings for me since the period I went Japan coz he threw everything away. That had me finding out his little lie again.
It was kind of bad just now. There was pulling, tugging, yelling and a whole lot of crying.
At the end of the day, it ended at my void deck with him cutting up all the stuff we made together and crud like a porcupine soft toy he won for me.
I was crying like a nutty over that one because I found it damn cute and it was the first ever prize toy someone won for me.
He sliced through a hell lot of our photos and at the end of the day, he threw out a whole lot stuff just to show me that yes, it was over.
It was kind of scary, to actually look at someone whom you thought you knew so well, and find him so unrecognizable.
The words that came out of Joel Kua Zi Xiang's mouth cannot be told from a lie or a truth.
(I realised that when I call people by their full names, my eyes narrow into slits. Hmmm)
I guess that was the part that did it when I realised it.
We parted ways after a hug and he set off north bound as I trudged up to post this.
He was saying that he meant EVERYTHING he said then, just that NOW, everything has changed, thus different circumstances.
To me, I always knew that we shouldn't say stuff we don't intend or am absolutely sure we cannot keep, thus to me, his reasoning was deplorable.
But that's just me. And that's just him being him.
I know a whole lot of you are like getting sick of hearing this drama about us but hell. My blog, my world.
Most of you think I'm dumb and incorrigible for placing faith in that dude, especially after all the crap he'd put me through with his constants omissions, lies, indecisiveness and all but I'm sorry.
Your friend is a hopeless romantic, deal with it.
I'm 90% emotions, 10% logic. Even though I know it won't work , if I feel like it, I'll do it
And that is me. As irresponsible and inane as it may seem, it is me.
And I love me for this particular factor that I am still able to love even though I grew up in a surrounding much devoid of it.
I chose to believe that even though the scene set out before me propagates it as so, that true love is something that is not fiction.
I learned from an early age to cherish, as death is unpredictable.
I made up my mind at a very young age, that even though in life I would want to do well in my career, my priorities would always be my loved ones.
And that will always be the case to me and I hope I never go astray.
I need to leave this blog now people.
Much love.
XOXO.
